Rogue One Review

TL:DR Non-spoiler version:

I didn’t care much for Rogue One. It felt unnecessary. But keep in mind that I’m not a fan of all the extra Star Wars content out there that so many of you enjoy. I never dug Clone Wars and I don’t like Star Wars Rebels. It’s just not my thing. And Rogue One should probably have been a long story arc on Rebels instead of a feature film.

My biggest two beefs with Rogue One were the lack of characterization and the fact that I felt the events of the movie actually lessened the existing lore.

You should know that the first trailer promised us a story about a criminal who has tangled with the Empire and is recruited by the rebellion to steal the plans for a super-weapon. That is not the movie that I saw. In fact, none of the exchange in that first trailer that got everyone so excited about Jyn Erso and her mission are in the actual movie. Which was confusing and saddening.

I suppose if you read all the books, and watch Rebels and love CGI recreations of characters from the past all sprinkled with easter egg references then this is your lucky day.

I just want to know what happens with Rey and Finn next.

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SPOILER HEAVY VERSION:

Nothing in this movie makes any sense.

If Galen Erso needed to be kidnapped because they couldn’t finish the Death Star without him, why does he tell Jyn in his message the only reason he stayed was because he knew they would finish it without him anyway?

If the Rebel Alliance is willing to shoot an informant in the back and break Jyn out of jail and risk a mission to Jeddah to get this defected pilot from Saw, why do they suddenly not care what Jyn or the pilot have to say? Suddenly they’re like…”meh. Nevermind.”

So Tarkin isn’t the guy who spearheaded the Death Star now? He stole it from Krennic? So now Tarkin is just a dipshit who took credit for someone else’s work? Why rewrite the original trilogy like that?

Kyber Crystals power the Death Star???? So it’s a giant lightsaber?

Why did Saw need a Truth-octopus when he had a message from his oldest friend on a hologram?

Why didn’t Galen give the pilot the plans instead of a hologram explaining the plans?

Why are the Death Star plans not kept on the actual fucking death star? Or in several locations?

If Rebels are attacking your base because they want to steal the Death Star plans, step one would be deleting the Death Star plans right? Even if you don’t have a backup, you delete it before they get the plans.

Why is Galen and a whole team of engineers working on some remote planet instead of on the actual Death Star?

Why couldn’t the Rebel Alliance stop the attack on the platform? They said the pilots had already started the engagement? So what? Use the comms and tell them to stop! Clearly communications can make it from that planet to Rebel Command.

If the Death Star plans are so big of a file that it needs to be stored in a giant data center, and needs a huge dish to broadcast it, how does it fit on a 2x4 key-card that can be inserted into an R2 unit? Is Alliance compression technology that much more advanced that the Imperials have?

If you can communicate with people outside the shield to tell them to destroy the shield, just send the data through that connection. Right?

How did Vader know that the plans had made it onto that Corvette? How did he know that the plans had been absconded at all? The Force? Was it the Force?